I'll quit tomorrow

Last night I was filled with dread and started my usual avoidance routine which involves actually cleaning up around the house and doing laundry. To most people (as well as myself most of the time), this is just part of the day, or the part that is normally avoided. For me, it's a desperate attempt to escape what I really needed to do.

What I should have been doing:
Send out a girl scout related email (why did I get involved?).
Rehearse my lines for today's theatre class.

After maxing out on the laundry, I finally sent off the email. Not so painful.

However, as for the lines I needed to memorize, I launched into my other mode of coping: deciding I'll just quit. It's too hard. It's taking too much of my time. I'm just cheap entertainment for the other people in my class (my bad accent AND bad acting must be amusing). As you can imagine, this just sent me spiraling downward, filling me with negative energy.

I decided to at least look at the scenes I needed to study. It turned out there were only two scenes, as opposed to three as I originally thought, and the scenes weren't as long as I feared.

After reading through the script, I realized, I have the b---- role in each scene. Now mind you, in real life, it is not hard for me to really get into this role. But the characters in this scene weren't acting how I wanted them to act. It was hard to portray them as my teacher wanted us to. I was a little irritated with her. I kept thinking "that's not how I would do it in real life!" And of course I wondered, why am I the be-ahtch everytime? That could also be a philosophical question, but there's not time right now.

Finally it dawned on me, "that's why it's called ACTING, you sensitive little bull head". So I need to act like a neurotic family member, which if I recall, I can do pretty well in real life. I think part of the problem is that we are working from a Woody Allen movie, and his female characters leave a lot to be desired.

But here goes.